An elderly man goes to the doctor.

He says,

“Doctor, I’m having a problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me, since they’re always silent and odorless. Matter of fact, I’ve farted 10 times just waiting for you.”

The Doctor says,

“Take these pills every day for a wee, and then come back and see me.”
A week later, the man complains,

“Doctor, I don’t know what you gave me, but my fatts smell horrible now!”

The doctor says,

“OK, now that your sinuses are clear, let’s check your hearing.”

An elderly man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility.

But each time he tried, it was occupied.

The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.

There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked: ‘WW’, ‘WA’, ‘PP’ and ‘ATR’.

Making the mistake so many men make of not listening to a woman, he disregarded what she said when his curiosity got the best of him.

He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom.

He thought “Wow,these gals really have it nice.”

So a little more boldly he pressed the WA button and body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.

“Aha” he thought, “no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services.”

So he pushed the next button PP with anticipation.

A soft disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc.

“Man, this is great,” he thought as he reach out for the ATR button.

When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off.

Confused, he buzzed the nurse to find out what happened.

He explained the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies room on the plane.

The nurse explained,

“Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button. By the way, your pen!s is under your pillow.”