My grandpa, Don (my dad’s dad), passed away on Thursday. I think every single person who has ever met him would use the word gentleman to describe him. It’s impossible to try to convey the essence of a person in a short paragraph, but to me, he was a strong oak tree of integrity and love.

He golfed twice a week until right before he got sick at age 92. He shot an 88 and even made a birdie on his 92nd birthday! He dined out with friends every Friday night and played in a weekly bridge club. No one has a more social life than my grandparents did. I always loved that.

I spent a lot of my summers at my grandparents’ lake cottage in Indiana. I had my own dresser and always felt at home and safe at their house. They took me to their cocktail parties, and I felt included with my Shirley Temples (ginger ale and grenadine). Poppa taught my cousin, Liz, and I how to ski. We went with them to the country club dinners and pool. He tried to teach us as girls to skin a fish, but that didn’t work out, haha! So many of my childhood memories are wrapped around family and that lake cottage.

My grandmother, his wife, died about 13 years ago, and Poppa and I have spent every Thanksgiving together in Florida since. He always insisted on making the dinner with food from boxes and cans! (Decidedly oblivious to my disapproval.)

But last Thanksgiving was quite different. He was put on hospice care in his Florida condo, and all three of his sons were staying with him for the holiday. He didn’t want visitors to see him like that, but I couldn’t help myself as I live only four hours away. We hugged for a long time and cried. I told him I’d see him in heaven and to tell Grandma hello for me.

My grandpa has had a heavy impact on my life, and I’m so grateful. For the most part, my Poppa taught me lessons by the way he lived his life, not by his words. Marcello says that he must have lived so long so that more generations could be influenced by his honorable character.

Here is an inadequate summary of a grandfather’s lessons for his granddaughter:

Don’t complain.
Grandpa was a doer, not a complainer. If he didn’t like the way something was or a situation, he tried to resolve it instead of endlessly talking about it. Now, I’m not saying he wasn’t a talker! He could keep up with the best of them, but he wasn’t using his words to complain. It is absolutely refreshing to be around someone who rarely speaks negatively.

Don’t criticize.
Poppa did not sit around and discuss how people should be living their lives. He had his morals and opinions, but I rarely heard him comment on others’ decisions. It wasn’t because he didn’t care, but because he understood that life treats people differently and we have the freedom to go in different directions and even make our own mistakes.

When you have that attitude, people confide in you; they don’t worry about receiving judgement or what you might say behind their backs. They become their best selves when they are with you, and they actually probably end up wanting your approval most of all!

Be upright and self-controlled.
He had order and self-control in his life. To a younger person, this might sound like a boring attribute, but the older I get, the more admirable and desirable it becomes. There is an endless battle of areas we need to maintain control over in our lives, and it seems nearly impossible: alcohol, food, work, TV, sex, phones, shopping, and other addictions.

To my knowledge, my grandpa tended to be the master of these things instead of their slave.

As a teenager, my car was a mess of food, clothes, and trash. Grandpa used very few words but told me to take care of what was in my possession. He helped me clean it thoroughly inside and out. It was memorable, and I kept a clean car for a long time—until kids, that is.

But it carries over into other things. Taking care of things you have (house, appliances, electronics, tools, furniture, equipment) not only prolongs their use and saves money, but it also shows your appreciation for them.

Be content with what you have.
Poppa was not a consumer of the latest and greatest or concerned about luxury. He had a small cottage on a lake in Indiana and a small condo in Florida. I’m sure he could have upgraded if he wanted to, but he was happy with things as they were. He wasn’t forever looking for things he was missing; he enjoyed the things he had.

His 1989 boat still ran, and he never upgraded. He had cars for decades. He wasn’t cheap. He would buy a new appliance or car when it was time, but only when it was time.

We had many conversations about debt. He was a firm believer in staying out of debt and paying cash for whatever he could during his life. I remember how proud he was of me when I paid off my first car. He believed it was best to live within your means and always experienced financial security because of it.