So I am at Walmart scanning and bagging my almost $300 worth of groceries while the employee that wants $15 an hour “monitors,” and then this happened.

Her, why are you double-bagging all of your groceries?

Me—excuse me?

Her, you are wasting our bags!

Me: If you don’t like the way I’m bagging the groceries, feel free to come on over here and bag them yourself.

Her—that’s not my job!

Me: Okay, then I will bag my groceries however I please, if that’s all right with you.

Her, why are you using two bags?!

Me, because the bags are weak and I don’t want the handles to break or the bottoms to rip out.

Her – Well, that’s because you are putting too much stuff in the bag. If you took half of that stuff out and put it in a different bag, then you wouldn’t need to double-bag.

*10 seconds of me just staring at her.

Me—so you want me to split these items in half and put half of them in a different bag so that I don’t have to double bag?

Her, exactly.

Me, so I would still be using two bags to hold the same number of items.

Her: No, because you wouldn’t be double-bagging.

*me pressing two fingers to my left eye in an attempt to make it stop twitching.

Me—okay, so here I have a jug of milk and a bottle of juice double-bagged. If I take the milk out and remove the double bagging and just put the milk in the single bag and the juice in that single bag, I’m still using two bags for these two items.

No, because you are not double-bagging them, so it’s not the same number of bags.

*I’m looking around at about 10 other customers who, at this point, are enjoying the show.

Me—is this like that Common Core math stuff I keep hearing about?

Her, never mind; you just don’t get it.

And with that, she went back to her little podium so she could continue texting or playing games on her phone or whatever it was she was doing before she decided to come over and critique my bagging skills.