Divorce Letter and Response

My Letter

I’m writing to let you know that I’m leaving you for good. After 7 years of being a good partner, I feel unappreciated. The past two weeks have been unbearable.

Your boss informed me that you quit your job today, which was the final straw. Last week, you came home, didn’t notice my new haircut, ignored the meal I made, and didn’t even comment on my new silk boxers. You finished eating quickly and went straight to bed after watching your soaps.

You no longer express love, and there’s no intimacy between us. Whether you’re cheating or simply no longer care, I’m leaving.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don’t try to find me. I’m moving to West Virginia with your sister. Have a great life!

Her Reply

Dear Ex-Husband,

Receiving your letter was the highlight of my day. Although we’ve been married for 7 years, you have far from been a “good man.” I watch soaps to escape your constant complaints, but that doesn’t always help.

I did notice your haircut, but you looked like a girl. Since my mother taught me to keep quiet if I have nothing nice to say, I kept my thoughts to myself. And the meal you made? You must have confused me with my sister, as I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

Regarding the silk boxers: I saw the $49.99 price tag and remembered my sister borrowing $50 from me that morning. I hoped it was just a coincidence.

Despite everything, I still loved you and wanted to work things out. When I won $10 million in the lottery, I quit my job and bought tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home, you were already gone.

Everything happens for a reason. I hope you find the life you’ve always wanted. My lawyer confirmed that your letter ensures you won’t receive any of my money. So, take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich and Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I mentioned this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. Hope that’s not an issue.